On Wednesday after the election, my mood was despondent, disconsolate, discomfited, demoralized.
Leave it to the good old “Catholic Press,” available online, to cheer me up.
A headline went all over several ecclesial newspapers. It was so good, the publications shamelessly “borrowed” it from each other. It has all been rather cute, if you will allow that adjective.
Several referred to the election as “The Recent Unpleasantness.” I like it. A small beam of yellow sunlight coming through the doom and gloom.
But there is still a background shadow. There are frightful conditions with which we must deal, well beyond politics.
One indicant of this malaise is the stinking, rotting degradation of the English language. Our beautiful spoken and written form of communication has actually gone to hell, with or without the proverbial hand-basket. It’s quite ominous.
I have a plethora of examples. Boy do I ever. Want to see some? Read on.
A brand-new young person was hired at a church I happen to know about. This person is a student at the local university. The post filled by the applicant requires, among other things, the use of English for purposes of communication. Shocking job requirement this church has.
We quickly find out the parish is in need of volunteer “alter servers.” Did you know that these “alter servers” are to be under the direction of a “Parish Preist?”
I shuddered. Perhaps too soon. Soon we were informed that volunteers are also needed to help with the “litergy.” Nausea ensued.
For many years, I've been emotionally unable to read the local newspaper. It just hurts too damn much. But my loving wife Laura shows me things sometimes.
A rather large “house ad” appeared one day. (This means there was a capacious orifice, so an advertisement promoting the publication itself was employed to fill it.)
Trying to persuade the miserly among us to buy the paper, the copy writer created this enticing phrase: “It Costs Less Then a Cup of Joe.”
We’ve lost the word “than.” Keep your eyes open and you will see it. “Then” works for both “then” and the lost word “than.”
There are dozens of examples. Here’s another: “The barbecue opens at 5, and remember, it’s first-come, first-serve.”
Do you see it? Seems bloody obvious it should be, “First-come, first served.” And that’s not even addressing the almost universal misspelling of “barbecue.”
Try this one: “The newlyweds walked down the aisle, and when they reached the front, there was a drum role to start the music.” Role? This writer was obviously hiding behind the door for that lesson.
Here’s one from the Catholic press: “As I entered the Sistine Chapel, I let my eyes wonder about the huge room.” Yep. True. An individual has actually landed a writing job at the National Catholic Register and doesn't know about the word “wander.” And neither, apparently, does his editor.
Eyes wondering about the room indeed. Outside, seeing gorgeous female tourists, he probably has a case of wondering eyes. For myself, I wander where he went to school.
Yet one more: “I have felt sort of lost and aimless sense I left high school.” Really! This garbage appears in print! For myself, I’m outraged and astonished. Especially sense I started seeing this boorish stupidity.
Another: “The bicyclist put his feet on the peddles and rode down the street.” Another: “We’re just not as close as we use to be.” (Hint: “used to be” would be correct.)
Another: “That is the last time I will step foot in her house.” (“Set” foot is correct.) Then there’s, “The boys came out of the locker room butt naked.” Uh, wrong again. (“Buck” naked is correct.)
Here’s an example from my favorite newspaper, the Denver Catholic Register. It’s a caption under a front-page photo:
“A family bows their heads in prayer before a Thanksgiving feast . . .”
A family bows “their” heads? How stupid. Of course it would be clumsy to say a family bows “its” heads. But guess what? This is English! There’s always a way!
How about, “Family members bow their heads . . .” Is that better for you? It’s surely better for this old unemployed editor.
Leave it to the good old “Catholic Press,” available online, to cheer me up.
A headline went all over several ecclesial newspapers. It was so good, the publications shamelessly “borrowed” it from each other. It has all been rather cute, if you will allow that adjective.
Several referred to the election as “The Recent Unpleasantness.” I like it. A small beam of yellow sunlight coming through the doom and gloom.
But there is still a background shadow. There are frightful conditions with which we must deal, well beyond politics.
One indicant of this malaise is the stinking, rotting degradation of the English language. Our beautiful spoken and written form of communication has actually gone to hell, with or without the proverbial hand-basket. It’s quite ominous.
I have a plethora of examples. Boy do I ever. Want to see some? Read on.
A brand-new young person was hired at a church I happen to know about. This person is a student at the local university. The post filled by the applicant requires, among other things, the use of English for purposes of communication. Shocking job requirement this church has.
We quickly find out the parish is in need of volunteer “alter servers.” Did you know that these “alter servers” are to be under the direction of a “Parish Preist?”
I shuddered. Perhaps too soon. Soon we were informed that volunteers are also needed to help with the “litergy.” Nausea ensued.
For many years, I've been emotionally unable to read the local newspaper. It just hurts too damn much. But my loving wife Laura shows me things sometimes.
A rather large “house ad” appeared one day. (This means there was a capacious orifice, so an advertisement promoting the publication itself was employed to fill it.)
Trying to persuade the miserly among us to buy the paper, the copy writer created this enticing phrase: “It Costs Less Then a Cup of Joe.”
We’ve lost the word “than.” Keep your eyes open and you will see it. “Then” works for both “then” and the lost word “than.”
There are dozens of examples. Here’s another: “The barbecue opens at 5, and remember, it’s first-come, first-serve.”
Do you see it? Seems bloody obvious it should be, “First-come, first served.” And that’s not even addressing the almost universal misspelling of “barbecue.”
Try this one: “The newlyweds walked down the aisle, and when they reached the front, there was a drum role to start the music.” Role? This writer was obviously hiding behind the door for that lesson.
Here’s one from the Catholic press: “As I entered the Sistine Chapel, I let my eyes wonder about the huge room.” Yep. True. An individual has actually landed a writing job at the National Catholic Register and doesn't know about the word “wander.” And neither, apparently, does his editor.
Eyes wondering about the room indeed. Outside, seeing gorgeous female tourists, he probably has a case of wondering eyes. For myself, I wander where he went to school.
Yet one more: “I have felt sort of lost and aimless sense I left high school.” Really! This garbage appears in print! For myself, I’m outraged and astonished. Especially sense I started seeing this boorish stupidity.
Another: “The bicyclist put his feet on the peddles and rode down the street.” Another: “We’re just not as close as we use to be.” (Hint: “used to be” would be correct.)
Another: “That is the last time I will step foot in her house.” (“Set” foot is correct.) Then there’s, “The boys came out of the locker room butt naked.” Uh, wrong again. (“Buck” naked is correct.)
Here’s an example from my favorite newspaper, the Denver Catholic Register. It’s a caption under a front-page photo:
“A family bows their heads in prayer before a Thanksgiving feast . . .”
A family bows “their” heads? How stupid. Of course it would be clumsy to say a family bows “its” heads. But guess what? This is English! There’s always a way!
How about, “Family members bow their heads . . .” Is that better for you? It’s surely better for this old unemployed editor.
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