Unfortunately, I can’t take time to develop this right now, so I’m giving it away. Whoever wants to patent this brainstorm is welcome to do so: This document is my official waiver.
It’s a new line of golf clubs.
Each club in the set would be named after a golf celebrity. There would be a famous golf hero signature inscribed into each one. You know. Ben Hogan, the nine-iron. Lee Trevino, the number one iron. Arnold Palmer, the seven. Jack Nicklaus, the three. And so on.
The No. 1 club, the one you would use for a long drive down the fairway, would have to be called: Tiger’s Woodie. Think of the graphic possibilities.
Do you like it? Buy the set and become an instant philanderer. To say nothing of a millionaire golf player.
Just say no
I read this in a story about morality. It was in “Does God Exist?,” a publication with a Church of Christ orientation.
The magazine was recounting the change in morality since “the Pill” and the advent of massive abortion.
One young woman, a college student, expressed gratitude for having contracted herpes. She was thankful that she will spend the rest of her life with a fairly nasty Sexually Transmitted Disease. At least I don’t think there’s a cure for it yet.
“Now I finally have a reason to say no to sex,” she said.
Can you imagine the lack of thinking that went into that statement?
See, the way I look at it, if the poor thing had said “no” in the first place, because she had been given the strength of good moral grounding by her parents, her church, her school . . .
If she had said no for the real reason in the first place she wouldn’t have had to have herpes. But she didn’t think she had the right to say no on moral grounds.
She felt constrained to have sex, apparently, with whomever approached her. She could not discriminate. It would be immoral and socially unacceptable to say no.
It doesn’t seem like this is a pretty picture.
The janitor
Just a hint. At your church, where you work, at your school, hotel or motel. Always befriend the janitor.
Never berate the janitor. Even in the face of serious malfeasance, never speak a harsh word to the janitor. Join in when he is working. Help him for a few minutes. You’ll feel good. He’ll love you.
If you are curious about an institution or any organization, the janitor knows.
The CEO doesn’t know. The receptionist doesn’t know. But the janitor does. And if you have already befriended him, you will know, too!
It doesn’t matter whether the janitor does a good job or not. It doesn’t matter if the janitor has a high IQ or a low IQ.
If you bitch him out, the janitor will slow down sweeping the halls, or pile the leaves behind your car in the parking lot. He will refuse to replenish the supply of toilet paper.
If you treat him like a human being, greeting him by name, by bringing him a small gift (an apple, a candy mint) once in a while, he is yours for life. You will be well loved.
Always befriend the janitor.
The phone rings
I couldn’t help myself. I know it ain’t funny. But he was a telephone solicitor, O.K.?
Picking up the phone, I heard the man say, “Hi. I’m John with cerebral palsy.”
I let there be a long pause. Then I said, “That must be terrible for you.”
I hung up when he began explaining that he didn’t have cerebral palsy, he was calling on behalf of an organization that solicits funds to help people with the malady.
I know. It ain’t funny.
Speaking of golf
Once upon a time, I was out at the Greeley Country Club, preparing to accompany my Dad around the eighteen holes.
In the pro shop, there were a couple of other guys my Dad knew slightly. They asked us if we’d like to make it a foursome. Dad agreed.
Out at the tee for the first hole, one of our new buddies asked me what seemed like a sort of personal question.
He asked, “What’s your handicap?”
I said, “Polio.”
For the record
Many years ago, Jim Morrison and the Doors produced a song on an album in which Jim shouts at the top of his voice:
“You cannot petition the Lord with prayer.”
Remember that? Guess what. Good old dead Jim was correct.
Don’t get me wrong. God hears all prayer. God answers all prayer. Here’s what the dictionary says about “petition.”
A solemn, earnest, supplication or request to a superior. Yes, the dictionary also says a petition can be defined as prayer.
What Morrison was saying, though, is that man cannot “change God’s mind.” Man cannot alter God’s behavior.
Man can only change man’s behavior. Prayer is the other way around. God doesn’t need your prayer. Sorry. He has no need of your praise. Praising Him is for your good, not His.
You need to pray. God wants you to pray. You do it for yourself, however. You just cannot say “God answered our prayers,” meaning that you got his attention and he granted your entreaty. Prayer allows God’s goodness to come into you. That’s how prayer works.
Petition has no effect whatsoever.
When you pray, God will come into your mind, into your heart. You don’t get into his mind. Sorry Charlie, it just doesn’t work that way.
You cannot petition the Lord with prayer. Thanks Jim!
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Word of the Week: Fiction. I like this one a lot. It comes from Latin fictio, or counterfeiting. Fiction is a making up of imaginary happenings, a feigning.
In law, fiction is something accepted as fact merely for convenience, although not necessarily true.
Something fictitious is something assumed for the purpose of deception, something false.
For myself, I’d rather read something that doesn’t have the express purpose of deceiving me.
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Editor's Note: This week has been a rollercoaster ride for family in California. Our Nephew Joshua received a double lung transplant at Stanford Hospital on Monday. (He has cystic fibrosis, as does his beautiful sister Harmony.) Today he is off almost all additional oxygen.
Thank you to all who have prayed for him, his family, the caregivers and especially the organ donor's family.
If you're interested in his story, please visit:
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#!/supportjoshua?ref=nf
or
http://josh-bluesviews.blogspot.com/
also
http://www.thesarahbear.blogspot.com/
From Josh himself:
"I used to be mad, sometimes I still get mad, but now I just accept it, and embrace it. I am glad I have CF because quite frankly, I wouldn’t be who I am without it, and I really like me. God knew what He was doing, and there is a reason for this. When I spoke at the church maybe there were some people that didn’t believe me, but maybe there were some, or even ONE that did believe me, and that touched them. And maybe because of my experiences, my life, I have made one other person on this earth think about God in a way he never had before…" (circa 2007)
"My saving grace is through Christ Jesus…. many people are shocked when they find out that I love Jesus with all of my trials and my victories with C.F. I share Christ- He is the yoke with me and much of the time He carries me. This is also His fight because He is in me and I come from him. My faith comforts me like a warm blanket in the dead of winter or a kind heart in a sea of indifferent faces. If there is anything I hope to accomplish after surgery it is to praise God and seek Him first after that. No mountain or ocean or indifferent face can keep me down." (circa 2010)
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