Patterns: Leather garment repair
We hadn't been in leather clothing service very long before patterns of damage began to emerge.
Could be, we'll come across something new and different any minute now. But just for fun, here are some of the typical damage we see.
"I caught it on a nail in the garage.'' Most often, this one shows up on a man's coat. It'll be on the left shoulder, about an inch or two down from the armhole seam, in the sleeve. It's self-explanatory.
EMT rapid disassembly: This one is far and away the most dramatic. We're working on a Harley-brand jacket now that has been cut with scissors up both sleeves, up the back, and across the upper chest.
Your average Sturgis Rally EMT will swear he's not a sadist. But it looks to us like the emergency crew people enjoy cutting up leather garments. We once repaired a pair of chaps that had been cut with scissors right next to the zippers. Why not just take the garment off as God intended? Too much evidence of destructive glee here.
Angry boyfriend: This may be the saddest one. There will be three or four crescent-shaped little tears on the upper back of each sleeve. These are the marks the guy's fingernails cause when he grabs the girl by the arms and tries to shake some sense into her.
Jealous girlfriend: This one is more rare. It will look like the girl laid the jacket out on the lawn face down, and cut it repeatedly with a sharp object like a straight razor or a butcher knife. (See EMT Rapid Disassembly)
No-it's-not-really a bullethole: It'll be a little tiny hole in the lower back, right or left, indicating poor aim. The guy requesting the repair will deny it was caused by a powder-launched lead projectile. The bloodstain in the liner will show him up for the liar he is.
Dog chew/cat scratch: The careless owner leaves the item in the same room with the dog. The dog is jealous because the master left, and the beast wreaks havoc. Usually, this will be where there's some odor of the owner -- the collar, underarms. The dog will concentrate all night long on cutting an irregular circle from the leather. His saliva can do as much damage as his teeth.
The cat scratch is more rare. It'll be on the upper sleeves and chest, where Kitty is trying to leave and the human makes the mistake of trying to force Kitty to stay.
I laid it on the muffler: It's hot outside. At the rest stop, the chaps must come off. Stylish is one thing; too warm is another. Part of the garment comes in contact with the 1,200-degree muffler or tailpipe. Cooked leather is not pretty. Nor is it repairable. It stinks, too. "Can't you just rub something on it?" Not really. (A recent variation: "I laid it on the vaporizer in my child's room." Also not a good idea.)
Road rash: The bike tips over, the rider comes off, the leather does its job. This damage is almost always on the elbows or knees and sometimes the back. The cheaper the garment, the worse the damage. The cheaper the garment, the less the protection. Bikers, take heed of this: you may take a slide sometime -- I have. Good leather will protect you; foo-foo leather won't. Don't buy foo-foo.
Gloves jammed in pocket: "I just put my gloves in my pockets, and these little corners just tore -- just like that!" Design flaw is a factor here; lots of garment makers don't take into consideration the potential stresses and weaknesses in their creations.
It got caught in the chain somehow: Don't wear your duster on your bike, you big dummy. The inappropriately loose clothing will (yes it will) get caught in the chain, the belt, the brakes, the spokes. Dusters are for swishy actors to wear in Bendover Mountain. Not for bikers.
I loaned it to my friend: Oh boy. Margarita stain on the lower front. Pocket tear. Nail in garage. Slammed in car door and dragged down the highway. Our advice? Don't loan your chain saw or your leather jacket to anybody. Nobody. Hear me? (A leather repair job from about 1990: "I loaned my jacket to my girlfriend, to whom I also loaned my motorcycle." The jacket was not a pretty picture. We never saw the motorcycle or the girlfriend. At least he didn't loan his girlfriend to anyone that we know of!)
It got wet and I left it in the trunk: Usually, the poor thing has been balled up, left wet, grows mildew, and is difficult to restore. Trunks are hot and retain moisture. Fungus, once started, loves living on leather. Wrinkly for life, these garments are never the same again.
I spilled coffee . . . : This could also be called "The baby threw up" or "There were some college kids at the pizza place" or "My ballpoint leaked" or "My son borrowed it and forgot to take it off for the paintball tournament."
Just a hint: If you go to a dinner or a convention, don't put the sticky-back nametag they give you on your leather blazer. When you take the tag off, some of the dye comes with it. You get a permanent rectangular reminder of the "I quit smoking seminar." Put the sticker on your forehead. That way, people's eyes don't have to wander down your chest to determine who you are.
I was helping my neighbor paint his house: and these little white spots ended up all over it, and the belt dipped in the paint tray, and the pockets are all stuck together, and I tore this on the end of the gutter pipe . . .
I found this in a dumpster: and it fits, so . . . can you sew up the Angry Boyfriend tears or the Jealous Girlfriend slices so I can have a free leather jacket?
-- Burger in a Basket --
This is a restaurant review. Restaurants don't buy ads in the 18th St. News, so I'm not scared.
Weekdays, when we go out to eat, we have two cafes from which we like to choose. If we're out before 10:30 a.m. we go to Randy's Pub and Grill in Evans.
Randy serves breakfast until 10:30. Breakfast there is superior. My favorite is ham and eggs. Laura tends to order the breakfast quesadilla. Both meals are delicious, none better anywhere that I know of.
Randy also serves lunch. But everything comes in a plastic basket. Sandwiches are served on messy paper sheets in sad red baskets. Catsup gets on the paper sheets and then on your shirtsleeves.
He serves a delicious burger but it gets cold quick -- good burger, bad plastic basket. Indelicate, uncivilized, unmannerly, clumsy. One can hardly cut a big American sandwich in two when it rests in a flimsy plastic basket.
Randy calls his product "fine cuisine." I think fine cuisine doesn't come in a plastic basket.
Across the street, the "Double Clutch Cafe" in the Stampede Truck Stop produces what may well be the world's best mushroom swiss burger. If you ask, and if Norma Jean loves you, it can come on a nice warm plate and with cottage cheese instead of french fries.
You'd hardly think of a truck stop cafe as "sophisticated." But the Double Clutch is more sophisticated than Randy's. The Clutch serves the customer's preference, not the restauranteur's preference.
Either way, Randy's or the Clutch, you will be entertained when you arrive by way of the chasms and cliffs in the street, courtesy the Evans Street Department. Put it in four-wheel-drive.
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Word of the week: Lothario. It's a proper name -- specifically, the name of a young rake in Nicholas Rowe's play The Fair Penitent. It has come to mean a seducer of women, a rake, a libertine.
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Two words for next week: Exegesis and Eisegesis. Stay tuned ! !
Gripes? Complaints? Whines? or Comments? Adoration? Aggravation? Puppy love? Feel free to express yourself in the comments below!
Weekdays, when we go out to eat, we have two cafes from which we like to choose. If we're out before 10:30 a.m. we go to Randy's Pub and Grill in Evans.
Randy serves breakfast until 10:30. Breakfast there is superior. My favorite is ham and eggs. Laura tends to order the breakfast quesadilla. Both meals are delicious, none better anywhere that I know of.
Randy also serves lunch. But everything comes in a plastic basket. Sandwiches are served on messy paper sheets in sad red baskets. Catsup gets on the paper sheets and then on your shirtsleeves.
He serves a delicious burger but it gets cold quick -- good burger, bad plastic basket. Indelicate, uncivilized, unmannerly, clumsy. One can hardly cut a big American sandwich in two when it rests in a flimsy plastic basket.
Randy calls his product "fine cuisine." I think fine cuisine doesn't come in a plastic basket.
Across the street, the "Double Clutch Cafe" in the Stampede Truck Stop produces what may well be the world's best mushroom swiss burger. If you ask, and if Norma Jean loves you, it can come on a nice warm plate and with cottage cheese instead of french fries.
You'd hardly think of a truck stop cafe as "sophisticated." But the Double Clutch is more sophisticated than Randy's. The Clutch serves the customer's preference, not the restauranteur's preference.
Either way, Randy's or the Clutch, you will be entertained when you arrive by way of the chasms and cliffs in the street, courtesy the Evans Street Department. Put it in four-wheel-drive.
-0-
Word of the week: Lothario. It's a proper name -- specifically, the name of a young rake in Nicholas Rowe's play The Fair Penitent. It has come to mean a seducer of women, a rake, a libertine.
-0-
Two words for next week: Exegesis and Eisegesis. Stay tuned ! !
Gripes? Complaints? Whines? or Comments? Adoration? Aggravation? Puppy love? Feel free to express yourself in the comments below!
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