Friday Report 8/3/07

Speak English or get the hell out! You like that sentiment?

Sorry, but you're about 100 years too late.

At this point, let's learn Spanish, as much as we can, and use it. It's not a choice, it's a necessity.

Consider this scenario: You're in a hospital elevator. In the car with you are three Hispanic cleaning women. They're speaking Spanish -- partly because that's their language and partly because they don't want you to know what they're saying.

Oh the power you could command by playing dumb -- you know, stand there mute, stealthily catching the gist of the conversation. They usually talk about the boyfriend or husband. I eavesdrop in this manner often.

Here's another one: Three guys in the farm store were talking about Laura. To be sure, it was complimentary of her beauty. They had no idea I had heard and understood.

After a time, I said, "Ah, si. Esta muy bonita mujera -- esta mi esposa, comprende?''

Translated, what I had told the guys was, "Oh yes. That is my very beautiful woman -- she is my wife, understand?"

Amazing how the three guys started backpedaling. They thought I knew Spanish. I don't really, I just know a little. But that time, it was just enough. Catch my drift?

I say, "Powerful is the Gringo/Que sabe la lingo."

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A Greeley man wrote a letter to the editor of our little Greeley newspaper last week on the subject of "English Only.''

He wrote "rational" when he meant "rationale." He wrote "dribble" when he meant "drivel."

One who supports "English Only" ought to write English better than that. The Tribune editors could have helped the poor man avoid these linguistic pratfalls, but they have neither the English skills nor the inclination to be of assistance.

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Try this experiment. Look at a book or magazine that has a bunch of repetitive images. Hemmings auto catalog or a Japanese biker magazine or the like will work.

Spend about 20 minutes doing this, looking at one image after another, fairly rapidly, in a bright reading light.

Then close the book, get up and go into a darkened room, a closet or the shower. Close your eyes, wait a few seconds, and ''look'' at what happens.

What you'll see is what I call retinal memories. Actually, try not to see anything. Soon a parade of images will begin. The '57 Ford convertible. The Rambler, the Dodge...

The eye, and I somehow think it's the retina, has the capacity to retain images for a certain length of time, much the same as the brain retains memories.

Think about that when you're ''watching" something, like boxing, football, cowboy shootouts, rodeos, movies about the Mafia. You're storing up thousands of violent images. This is not good.

One of our human ''choices'' is that we can prescribe to some extent what goes into our lungs, our stomachs, our ears, our eyes. Yet many of us make no such choices on our own, following dumbly along in paths laid for our convenience.

We watch television, look at billboards, listen to the neighbor's boom-boom, put up with racket and flashing lights in loud bars.

Everything you allow into your eyes stays there for a certain amount of time. Pornos, car magazines, the Bible . . .

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Question: What has Beethoven been doing since he died?

Answer: Decomposing.

Ha ha.

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The world is changing, and some of it is for the better.

For several years now, Laura and I have objected to a bikers' event known as the "Catholic Schoolgirls Run."

It's an event in which the women are expected to dress up in Catholic schoolgirl uniforms -- you know, the little pleated, plaid skirt, the little Maryjane shoes, the pigtail braids.

The idea is that the women will then behave inappropriately -- drinking, smoking, stripping, just plain whoring about.

Since we are Catholic, this is offensive to us. We don't support that run, or the oafs who put it on.

Oddly enough, at least one member of the notorious Sons of Silence riding club agrees with us. The brother, in a private conversation, said he went on the run once, but won't again. It grossed him out.

Did I say the world is changing?

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Looks to me like the Dimmycrats have backed themselves into a corner.

1. They are "Pro Choice" when it comes to killing babies before they are born.

2. They are "anti choice'' when it comes to a biker's right to dress himself the way that suits him.

We need to ask them every chance we get, "Which way do you want it?"

Colorado now has an "under 18" helmet law. This is historically the first step toward a helmet law for everyone. It only takes a slight stroke of the pen to change the law.

The helmet law repeal movement has already begun. Fine time for that, like shutting the barn door after the horse done run away. Where were they all when the legislature passed the dumb thing in the first place?

We are in for some awfully hard times -- and the helmet law is just the first sign some people will notice.

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Word of the week: Loquacious. Webster's New World says it comes from Latin, ''loqui,'' to speak. As in ''eloquent,'' and ''colloquial.'' "Loquacious. Very talkative; fond of talking."

Dear reader, you should have noticed by now. The majority of our English words come from Latin. Are we on to something here?

Latin. It's a dead language. Right? Nobody speaks Latin anymore. Right? Well, yes, except doctors, lawyers, scholars, priests and popes.

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Next week's word: puerile.